You're smack dab in the middle of the pre-teen years. Friends, school, sports, puberty, boys, and lots of drama. Some days it's hard to keep up, even for the most hands-on mom. Trying to be her friend, her mom, and her confidant, all while striving to keep your cool and not argue like sisters. It's not for the faint of heart, and like it or not, you're being watched like a hawk. You are the role model.
In Part I, we discussed five ways to relate to your tween. It takes a village and as I always say, I'm not an authority on anything, other than surviving puberty myself and raising a pre-teen a few years back. It was far from easy and my days aren't over, but I did learn some valuable lessons. Here are five more ways you may be able to relate to your pre-teen:
#1 Compliments: Many grown women don't know how to take a compliment and just as many forget to give them. It's up to us to teach our girls both. Confidence is key. Girls tend to confuse confidence with conceit. Teach your pre-teen to never dumb herself down, to always look people in the eye, and receive a compliment with gratitude. If she's insecure, try role playing. An example could be: If Joelle says, "Oh my gosh, I love your sweater!" She could say, "Thanks, I love yours, too!" Teaching pre-teens to give at least one compliment a day encourages kindness, which will be paid back tenfold.
#2 Boundaries: It's never too early to teach your child boundaries, with themselves and with others. Discussing limits and what she will and won't tolerate from friends and boys can be instrumental in her development. Relatability can be the bridge to connect you with your tween on this issue. Sharing boundaries crossed in your own pre-teen years can help to teach powerful lessons. Positive boundaries include realistic expectations regarding grades, body image, sports, etc. Friendship boundaries can be the most challenging during her tween years. Ending a toxic friendship can be one of the most difficult situations your pre-teen will face.
#3 Coping Mechanisms: Your pre-teen watches how you deal with adversity. Do you scream, insult, walk away, listen, talk irrationally, or all of the above? She will inherit some or all of your coping mechanisms, plus some of her own, so take a good look in the mirror. If you go to counseling, yoga, or read self-help books, share the information with your pre-teen in creative ways, showing her, not telling her. And, when you're wrong, admit it. You're human and flawed just like the rest of us. Sometimes, breaking down admitting your mistakes, is a way to get through to your pre-teen.
#4 Laugh: Laughter heals. Laughter wins, every time. If life at home is tense and no one is getting along, lighten the mood. Do something your pre-teen would never expect, like flinging a spaghetti noodle across the room, or dancing goofy. Do something that will throw her off her game, forgetting why you were both angry in the first place. Comic relief can, even for a moment, give the family a time out amidst the drama.
#5 Look Within: Teach your girl to pray, and explain that religion is personal. The earlier children learn to pray, the easier it is to rely on—for strength, guidance, and peace. Divine inspiration will help both of you. One day, when she's grown, you'll rest easy, knowing she has faith.
The relationship with your pre-teen may prove to be beyond what you can tolerate some days. The ebb and flow of her emotions can drive you both crazy, leaving you exhausted and frustrated. Relatability is the biggest key factor. Knowing which door of communication to use with your tween can be the first step in building a healthy connection.
If you enjoy my blogs, please consider purchasing Book 1 of my series, The Rebecca Chronicles. The topics discussed in my blogs are a direct reflection of what I write in my books.
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